If you’ve ever wondered whether building a family is even worth it in today’s world, you’re not alone. With so much chaos around us, the idea of creating something lasting can feel overwhelming. In this article, Dr. Vanessa unpacks why family still matters—not just as a personal choice, but as a strategy for raising grounded kids and contributing to a better society.
Believe me, I get it. Between the political climate, melting ice caps, and your wallet feeling light, I understand why you’re hesitant to start a family. But here’s what I want to say to you: families are how we survive. Literally. Creating families is how we survive and how we begin to change the very things we’re so worried about.
Society is built by families. They are the building blocks of society, so whatever happens to the family happens to society at large. If we focus intentionally on the kind of families we’re building, we can create ripple effects in every area of life—even on a global scale.
Now, let’s be clear: having children is not the same thing as building a family.
Families don’t just happen. They take strategy. They are a structure to be designed, not a byproduct of biology. And that’s part of what makes it feel overwhelming.
It’s easier to have children than it is to build a family. If you start having children before thinking through the kind of family you want, you may find yourself in over your head.
Hi, I’m Dr. Vanessa. If we haven’t met before, I’m a retired pediatrician and stay-at-home mom for over 20 years. I share what I’ve learned with moms who are overwhelmed by this thing called motherhood. It comes with no manual, and we’re all out here trying to figure it out. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have insights, strategies, and stories to help you map your own path.
So let’s talk about why families matter
Why do we need to raise children in a family structure instead of just raising them alone? Think of it like a house. A house gives context, protection, and definition. That’s what family does for children. It tells them, “These are your people. This is where you belong. This is where you can grow safely.”
Family gives children their name, their lineage, their identity. My kids know they’re part of the Harris family—that name means something to them. They know where we come from culturally: Caribbean roots on my side, Southern roots on their dad’s. That heritage gives them grounding. Just look at the boom in ancestry tests. People want context for who they are.
Families give an individual context
But families also define what you stand for. Maybe it’s craftsmanship down through the generations, your faith, or a family tradition. That context gives your family members confidence as they engage with others.
When kids don’t get that from their families, they go looking for it elsewhere. Teams, clubs, and sadly, gangs—they provide identity, tradition, and protection. But that’s what family is supposed to provide.
And creating a family isn’t complicated. It’s simply a group of people (mother, father, siblings, grandparents and extended family) who claim you, take responsibility for your development, and stick with you into adulthood. That creates the safety, comfort, and confidence in which children thrive.
More than created, families are built
Families are built. Like homes, they require vision, structure, and planning. You need to think about what you’re building, and the foundation needed to support it. That foundation depends on what you hope your children grow up to be and the standards that’s based on.
Think about the family you came from. What served you well? What didn’t? What do you want to keep and what do you want to discard? And then talk about it with your spouse. What’s your shared vision? What do you want to aim your kids toward?
Because family isn’t a science. It’s an art. You aim your children like arrows, pointing them in a direction. You can’t make them hit the bullseye, but you can help them aim. And you can course-correct when they veer.
You build a family on a foundation
So what’s your foundation? In my home, it’s our faith in Jesus Christ. His Word is our foundation. You build your foundation based on your values. That includes your standards. What do you stand for? What will you expose your children to because you believe it matters?
Once you’ve laid a foundation based on the house you envision, then you give it shape. You frame the home. The studs become the walls, establishing the boundaries for the home.
Boundaries are a blessing, not a burden
Likewise, it’s up to you to establish the boundaries for your family. In our family, not everything goes. We’re shaping character in line with the impact we want to have in our social circles and beyond.
So while the behavior allowed might be different at a friend’s house, that is not our concern. We know what we’re aiming for. Maintaining those boundaries is how you shape a child’s character.
Away with the pressure to be like everyone else. Families don’t need to be identical. They reflect the uniqueness of the people building them. But families need intention. Without it, society itself falls apart.
So, if you’re concerned about the state of the world, start with your family. You have a say in how your family functions, its dynamic. And you can build it with purpose without feeling like life is happening to you.
You are the mother of your children. And you are the woman for the job.
Join me for more insight on family dynamics.
**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.
Vanessa A. Harris 