Motherhood is hard for every mom. But for some, it feels unbearably heavy. If that’s you, it’s not because you’re weak. It’s because you’re carrying more than just today’s responsibilities—you’re also carrying the weight of your past.
Many moms wonder why parenting feels overwhelming even when they’re doing “all the right things.” The answer often lies in two areas: unresolved childhood trauma and unhealthy family dynamics.
1. Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma doesn’t always look like catastrophic events. It can be abuse, neglect, loss, prolonged absence of a caregiver, or simply growing up in an unsafe environment. Children often appear resilient, but “getting through it” doesn’t mean it left no impact.
It certainly does.
I remember sitting at the dining room table when my dad got off the phone and told me one of my siblings was in the hospital recovering from a failed suicide attempt. We continued eating without discussion. And I silently absorbed the shock, waiting to cry in my bedroom—the only place willing to contain my emotions.
When you become a mother, your children’s needs can trigger memories of the care you didn’t receive. You’re asked to give what you never experienced. That gap—between what your children need and what you had—creates exhaustion, guilt, and overwhelm.
2. Family Dynamics
For others, the trauma was the family system itself. May you grew up in a home filled with silence, anger, or addiction. Maybe it was an “every person for themselves” vibe. Or maybe harmful cycles simply repeated from generation to generation.
Even if you swore you’d never repeat those patterns, it’s easy to default to them unless you stop, reflect, and intentionally choose differently. Without awareness, we recreate what we know.
It’s human nature.
As the youngest in a family thrown together rather than intentionally blended, there was a steady undercurrent of jealousy, hostility, and insecurity that bubbled over into heated exchanges.
As hard as it was for a 5-year-old to process, it explains why I insist on creating a home environment where we can have hard conversations even though it’s uncomfortable for me to watch the process.
It’s always a good time to break a bad cycle.
Why It Feels Heavier Now
When you were younger, you had the resilience to carry your past like extra weight. You kept moving, succeeding, even thriving on the outside. But motherhood is different. It’s not just about you anymore. Raising children adds new demands that make the hidden weight of your past feel heavier than ever.
What You Can Do
The first step toward freedom is facing what you’ve carried. That means:
- Acknowledging the experiences and family patterns that shaped you.
- Recognizing how they show up in your parenting today.
- Seeking help through counseling, faith-based support (ie. ministries/small groups), or trusted mentors—to process and heal.
Healing doesn’t erase the past, but it lightens the load. And it allows you to parent with more energy, joy, and intentionality.
Chew On This
You are not everything to your children, but you are a powerful influence in their lives. They don’t need a perfect mom—they need a whole one.
If you’ve been showing up broken, this is your invitation to begin healing. For yourself. For your children. And for the generations that follow.
I share my own lessons on this journey in my Motherhood Unmasked newsletter, where I unpack family dynamics and practical ways to build stronger homes. It’s free to join, and you can find the link here.
I’m rooting for you!
If you have a comment, I’d love to hear from you. Please share it here.
**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.
Vanessa A. Harris 