There’s a truth about parenting that’s humbling when you fully grasp. Character is as much caught as it is taught.
When my kids were younger, I thought teaching them right from wrong, lessons rooted in biblical principles, and correcting their behavior would be enough. And while teaching is important, I learned the harder way that what they catch—by watching me, by watching the people around them—was shaping them just as much, if not more.
It’s sobering to realize your child isn’t only listening to what you say. They’re watching how you live.
They’re Like Sponges
Recently I had a conversation with my teenage daughter, and I didn’t like her tone or choice of words. And I told her so. Moments later, out of frustration, I spoke to her in the same manner I had just told her was disrespectful. When she called me on it, it stopped me in my tracks, and I called my own foul.
Even at their ages, it was a reminder: my children don’t just absorb the “good” things I model like patience, kindness, encouragement. They soak up the small, careless habits too.
Their ears are pricked and their eyes are fixed on me even when it looks like they’re not paying any attention.
And the same is true for your children. Whether you’re showing kindness to a stranger, apologizing when you’re wrong, or letting stress get the better of you, your kids are learning what character looks like in practice.
I don’t say that to make you feel self-conscious. I say it to remind you of your influence in a world that wants you to believe influencers are only on Instagram and TikTok.
Bad Company Corrupts Good Character
But the story doesn’t end at home. There’s another side of the equation we don’t talk about enough: your child’s circle of influence.
Have you ever heard, “Bad company corrupts good character?” It may sound old-fashioned, but in over 2000 years, it hasn’t been proved wrong. And as a mom, I appreciate the wisdom in it.
Even if you’ve modeled values faithfully at home, the voices around your child have incredible power. Friends, peers, and the influencers they follow online can reinforce or undermine what you’ve worked so hard to build.
Think about it: if your child spends most of their time around peers who normalize gossip, disrespect, or dishonesty, it won’t take long before those habits seem normal. And that slow shift can undo the investment you’ve made through years of teaching and modeling.
This doesn’t mean you need to completely isolate your child. But it does mean paying attention. Ask who they’re spending time with. Notice how their mood and behavior change after hanging out with certain people. Help them think critically about whether those relationships build them up—or quietly tear down the values you’ve instilled.
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Balancing Guidance and Trust
The balance can feel tricky, I know. None of us wants to be the overbearing parent. But parenting isn’t a popularity contest. It’s about guiding, protecting, and equipping your child with discernment. The ability to notice what’s good, true, and trustworthy in others.
That way, even when you’re not there, they can choose relationships that reflect the kind of person they’re becoming.
And here’s the beautiful part. When your child sees you living out your values and sees you caring about the people they choose to be around, you’re modeling two powerful things at once—personal integrity and relational wisdom.
Raising Children of Character
Building character in your child isn’t a one-time lesson. It’s a lifelong practice.
1. Model it daily at home. Be the example in both your strengths and your imperfections.
2. Protect your investment. Pay attention to outside influences and help your child choose wisely.
3. Equip them with discernment. So when the time comes, they know how to recognize character in themselves and others.
And if you’re like me, you pray for your child, because you’re aware of your limitations even as you do your best.
Your child is always learning—sometimes from you, sometimes from others. The question is: who do you want shaping that story?
By showing up consistently and staying mindful of their circle, you’re not only teaching character—you’re safeguarding it.
I’m rooting for you!
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**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.
Vanessa A. Harris 