With age and the accompanying change in hormone levels, I realize I took for granted the gift my youthful metabolism gave me in allowing me to emotionally eat.
Myth Busted: Children Feel Stress
It’s one of the coping mechanisms I developed as an older child going into adulthood to manage emotions no one allowed me to recognize outside of myself. Even though I knew what I was feeling and would talk to myself about it, there was no one else to talk to, not because there was no one around.
But there was no one who, if I shared, would empathize or relate or have anything constructive to say that could help me cope in a better way. And so, like many children, I had to find my own ways to cope. Thank God I did not turn to an illegal substance, but I turned to a substance of sorts.
Stress Eating
The trips to the corner bodega to get my Lemonheads, Red Hots, Alexander the Grapes, and of course, Charms Blow Pops—to eat that candy and savor the comfort in it, that source of sweetness, amongst a lot of sorrow.
And handling the rigors of college and medical school by reaching for some chocolate after a tough day.
It was so natural to me and not at all concerning because my metabolism burned it right up. But as I’ve gotten older and I see the evidence of that piece of cake I ate to celebrate a completed project linger. Or the entire Cadbury Fruit and Nut chocolate bar (so good) I ate because of a rough few days.
Now I’m mindful not to indulge in that way because I can see the effects on my body of a behavior that brought me a long way by necessity, though was never supposed to.
Let’s Be Honest
There’s nothing wrong with sweets.
There is nothing wrong with indulging in a chocolate bar. But that can’t be your regular go-to. And if you are a parent, a mom in particular, who’s most likely the one buying the food at home, it’s good to stop and think about why you’re buying those snacks.
You know. The ones we bring in the house “for the kids” but we go into the pantry and happily help ourselves to them as well.
What’s at the Root?
Life is sweet, and we should taste that satisfaction on our tongues too. But are you buying the sweetness you wish you could get someplace else, but you’ll settle for what’s in the plastic bag?
So, when we talk about family dynamics and how they increase a child’s risk for disease, obesity in particular, we also have to look at ourselves. Because caring for our kids ultimately challenges us to be better as well. They ultimately challenge our decision-making and force us to look at what drives it.
And if you use food to cope, your children will use food to cope.
So, I encourage you to take some time and to think about the junk food you regularly bring into the home and what memories it is connected to—self-soothing or celebration? And if that’s hard for you to say on the spot, journal it out.
Write about childhood memories, the sorrowful and the sweet, and notice the role food played. Were you rewarded with food? Were you penalized with food? Were you soothed by food?
Because those habits, those rhythms and routines, those coping mechanisms inform you today. And when you are stuffing something in your mouth, it makes it less likely that you are saying things out of your mouth.
When you stress eat, you stuff down what is best said.
Break the Cycle
And maybe you didn’t have space, and you weren’t given grace to say what you needed to express as a child, but you sure can say it now. You are a whole grown-up who can share it with a friend. You can pay somebody to share it with—a therapist. And develop a new rhythm of comforting yourself.
Now, I would be remiss if I did not include the number one way I “manage my feelings.” I talk to the Lord about where I am and what I’m feeling. The song “If Not for Grace” says, Where would I be? You only know. I’m glad You see through eyes of love. A hopeless case, an empty space, if not for Grace…
The freedom to be candid with the Lord about all things. And to know He hears me without judgment but with the abundance of grace absolutely makes all the difference.
Mindful Eating
Do I end up eating an entire bar of Cadbury in one day? Once in a blue moon. When I do, I typically think of my daddy because it was my dad’s favorite first—still is. If need be, I talk to the Lord while I eat it.
I may put the rest of the bar away, or I may eat it all. But putting myself in the position to be heard is the best part. And that makes it less frequent that I reach for something outside of myself to soothe myself.
And when I do, I’m reminded to lean into Jesus’ love more, to connect with a friend or share with my husband. Stuffing it down doesn’t solve anything, and that habit will ultimately hurt my children. They are watching me and my husband. And facts are, how we handle life is more caught than taught.
And this seems like the perfect time to remind you that when it comes to you being the mother of your children, you are the woman for the job.
I’m rooting for you!
If you have a comment, I’d love to hear from you. Please share it here.
**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.
Vanessa A. Harris 