Tag: family communication

You Said What?

My husband teases me every time I share with him something I’ve said to Jesus in prayer that he thinks is radical or wild.

I guess he assumes that if he had said something similar to the Lord, he’d have become a pile of ash. So he’s laughing because he can’t believe I lived to tell the story, but also at my ability to be candid with the Lord.

And to that I say, my frankness with Him has kept me. It’s probably a lot of the reason I don’t have the high blood pressure that runs in my family. I let it all out.

We All Carry A Lot

I’ve felt the same pressure others feel, if not more.

The daughter of immigrants who accomplished much to set me up to accomplish more. There’s the weight of that expectation on top of growing up in the Bronx, New York, with all its possibility and perils and navigating that.

All while carrying a dream to become a pediatrician and the weight of that course load and the grades it required.

Not to mention growing up in a poorly blended family, helping to raise a nephew and carrying the weight of a personal trauma no child should ever know, but certain that telling anyone would be disastrous.

Oh, I have known pressure, on pressure, on pressure, such that when I gave my life to the Lord at 19, I was relieved to get words out held in for too long. Like a minister I know would say, the Lord is like Campbell Soup—umm, umm good!

So, yes, I relish the opportunity to say things as I feel them, when I feel them and to the degree I feel them because Jesus can contain them.

But what about you? What about your child? Where do you go when you can’t bear your burdens? And if you think you have to sanitize them first, are you really laying them down as the Apostle Paul encourages, or just shifting them to another shoulder?

Nobody Like Him

I’m grateful for friends. I have a few solid ones.

I’m grateful for the existence of therapists. I’ve seen one. And she allowed this one who’s “always seeing others” to be seen—a true gift.

I’m grateful for anyone with the capacity to allow others to decompress in their presence without owning their sorrow, or feeling overwhelmed. Just allowing someone to say where they’re at.

I appreciate those people, and it’s my pleasure to be one.

But I tell you, nobody can handle all you have to say like the Lord! And that truth has been a blessing and a lifesaver because here’s the thing.

There’s nothing you’re going to tell him that’s gonna blow his mind. But you holding onto stuff in silence would blow yours!

Make Home a Safe Place

There are people having heart attacks and strokes because of high blood pressure, and that includes children. Why is their blood pressure high?

Many have internalized the pressure of life with no pressure relief valve. People they can share with.

PSA: Your home should be the primary place for your family. The first community your children are a part of should be where they can share the heaviness of their lives, which is very different from what you experienced at their age.

But we have got to make room for them to share where they are. We have got to make room for them to let it out without us freaking out. And we need an environment at home that encourages that for everyone living there.

That encourages honest expression of thoughts and feelings—not just as parents but to hear our children as well.

And as a mom, your child’s attachment to you is so powerful in the safety it affords him, that as noted psychoanalyst, John Bowlby puts it, “What can’t be spoken to the mother, cannot be told to the self.”

Did you catch that? A child can’t face what he feels when he can’t tell his own mother.

Do I think that’s a hard and fast rule? No, there’s much I couldn’t tell my mother that I acknowledged, as well as a child can. But not every child can do that much, so I don’t think it’s a risk worth taking.

And yes, you’re only one person. Your child may need to process more than you can handle.

So, if you need to extend the circle to include pastoral counsel or licensed therapists, then so be it. Just make sure you’re putting on your mask first as you see about your child’s needs.

Because only secure people create safe environments.

The world is hazardous and fast-paced. We travel through it all day, and we need to come home and decompress in safety. Where home is a proverbial pressure relief valve to keep your pressure low and help your children do the same.

If you have questions about how to make your home a safe place for everyone to feel seen, known and loved…

I’m rooting for you!

If you have a comment, I’d love to hear from you. Please share it here.

**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.