Children are born with the spark of care and compassion inside them. But whether that spark grows into a steady flame depends largely on what happens at home. Families are the first community children ever belong to, and it’s there they learn how to notice, care for, and celebrate others.
Unfortunately, two powerful forces often undermine that growth: today’s culture and a parent’s own capacity.
What Emotional Capacity Really Means
Emotional capacity is more than just “being nice.” It’s a life skill with three core expressions:
- Caring: noticing and being interested in the needs and experiences of others.
- Compassion: recognizing when someone is hurting and responding with empathy.
- Celebration: rejoicing in another’s success without envy or comparison.
When families consistently model and teach these practices, children carry them into adulthood. And the result? In the words of Louis Armstrong—what a wonderful world!
Culture Works Against Compassion
But we live in a fickle, hostile, self-absorbed culture.
Social media conditions children to think, “What about me? Who’s entertaining me? How do I compare?” And that’s besides functioning as a vehicle for vicious attacks in the public square. But hey, the enticing recipes and learning the latest dance craze make it worth it—sort of.
Bottom line: society as we know it is an increasing environment of hostility and self-absorption.
And even when you’re intentionally cultivating a family culture of care, your child may be simultaneously absorbing hours of opposite messages online.
The tension is real—but that doesn’t mean you don’t have influence. What you say, do, and model sticks. It plays in the background of your child’s mind, even if they won’t admit it.
Consistency is your greatest tool. Keep showing up. Keep modeling compassion and care. That environment will eventually outweigh the noise.
Your Capacity Matters Too
The second obstacle is a parent’s own bandwidth.
The same culture that bombards our kids also bombards us. Add to that your personal history. Maybe you lacked nurturing growing up. And it becomes clear why this is hard.
But here’s the truth: motherhood stretches you.
Just as your body stretched to carry your child, your heart stretches to meet their emotional needs. Even when it feels uncomfortable, this stretching is part of the sacred work of parenting.
The work it does on you, for the benefit of your child.
I can tell you that even though I took care of children as a child and wanted to become a pediatrician since age 6, I’ve still had to grapple with the harmful effects of emotional deprivation growing up with an emotionally distant mother.
It’s the only way I could have hoped to show up differently for my children.
Creating a Haven at Home
Your child needs one place in this cold world where they’re fully seen, fully known, and fully loved. That place should be your home. When you consistently create an atmosphere of love, compassion, and curiosity, you give your child the roots to grow into a steady, resilient adult.
Throwing Shade
Despite the struggle to believe it, your influence is powerful. Don’t abdicate it to outside voices. As a mother, you are the “Chief Influence Officer” in your home—yep, just made that title up, but it’s true.
The children you raise today surrounded by care, compassion, and celebration grow into tall, rooted trees who can offer shade and grace to others.
And I’m rooting for you!
If you’re a mom who’d like more from me, I invite you to join me for Motherhood Unmasked Moments, my weekly newsletter just for you. It’s where I share stories, encouragement, and strategies to help you navigate family dynamics with clarity and confidence.
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**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.
Vanessa A. Harris 