If you’re a mom doing your best to raise your children well and it feels like a fight—a fight that you’re losing. I want you to know this: you are not alone. So many moms carry that heavy question deep inside: “What else is there for me to do? I’m doing all the things, and yet, I’m not seeing the change I hoped for. What else can I try?”
I hear you. I’ve been there. And I’m a woman who grew up with emotional neglect and other traumas in my childhood. Those experiences didn’t break me — they became the fuel for my passion to support families and especially moms like you, who want to build something better for their children than they received.
Today, I want to share the one answer underneath it all. The answer to “what else there is for you to do when you feel stuck, exhausted, and just plain overwhelmed.” It’s a perspective rooted not just in pediatric care or parenting advice, but in something far deeper: surrender, grace, and the foundation of your family’s soul.
Why It Feels Like You’re Spinning Your Wheels
You’ve probably heard all the “right” things to do: set routines, enforce boundaries, sign them up for activities, nurture their gifts, and shower them with love. You’ve tried. Maybe you’re doing all of it—and still the frustration lingers.
This isn’t a failure on your part. It’s because parenting, especially when you’re trying to pivot, is layered and complex. It’s not a formula. Input doesn’t always equal output!
If you come from a childhood where love was conditional or scarce, if your mother didn’t provide the kind of emotional care you craved, it means you’re covered in crud you need to break free from, so you can process your past.
You’re not just raising kids—you’re rewriting family patterns, breaking cycles, and healing wounds you didn’t even realize you had.
And that work takes more than good strategies. It takes grace. Grace to forgive yourself, grace to give your children what you didn’t receive, and grace to accept help beyond your own strength.
Grace Personified
I want to share a verse that changed everything for me: Psalm 127:1 — “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”
This verse is first about putting your faith for the outcome of your family in Jesus Christ. The one who holds all things together when he’s at the center. The builder, where you as a parent function as supervisor on the site—maintaining our house building analogy.
And this verse speaks to something so many moms overlook: you are not your child’s savior. Without God’s grace at the center—all your effort, your sleepless nights, your packed schedules—will be exhausting, frustrating, and ultimately feel futile.
When I say grace, I don’t mean a quick fix or a pat on the back. I mean the kind of grace that fills the cracks in your heart and home when you’re desperate and out of answers. Grace is not getting what you deserve, but getting what you need when you accept your limits.
What Grace Looks Like in Everyday Motherhood
- Grace for Yourself
You’re not supposed to have all the answers. You’re not supposed to “fix” everything. It’s okay to feel ill-equipped. That’s actually where motherhood stretches you. When I hit those moments of feeling lost, I learned to surrender fresh to God’s wisdom, knowing I’m still learning and growing. - Grace for Your Children
Your kids are not perfect—they’ll push your buttons in ways you never imagined. Grace lets you see beyond what they’re doing to who they’re becoming. It allows you to extend patience, forgiveness, and second chances—because they’re learning too. - Grace for Your Family’s Messiness
Every family has brokenness, old wounds, clashing personalities, and moments that test everyone’s limits. Grace is the invisible glue that holds it all together when your best plans fail—a work only Jesus can do.
Reframe Your Story
You may ask, “But Vanessa, how do I walk out this grace? How do I build a family different from the one I came from?”
I want to be honest—it’s not automatic. It’s a process of surrender.
I grew up in a home where my mother’s love was complicated, often absent in the ways I needed most. For years, I carried bitterness and resentment. But then I realized—I get to choose how my story ends.
I took the painful parts, sifted through them, and even found things to thank my mom for, difficult as it was. That act of gratitude became a turning point in my healing.
I also had to give myself the grace to be broken, to cry, and to seek help from the Lord, counselors, mentors, and faithful friends. That’s how I learned what it means to love differently and better.
You’re Not Alone — There Is Hope and Help
Right now, if you’re in the middle of chaos—teenager mood swings, sibling fights, moments of rebellion you didn’t expect—it doesn’t have to define your family’s future.
The secret is not more effort or better tactics alone. It’s receiving grace. The kind of grace that comes from the one who knows you and your children intimately. He’s the God who looks after families, known as the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Three generations bound by His faithfulness.
He is ready to be at the center of your family too.
When I entrusted my kids to him, especially during the hardest teenage years, I found peace. I didn’t have to have all the answers. I just had to say, “God, you’ve got this. And where I play a role, show me what to do.”
And then grace showed up in ways I couldn’t manufacture on my own. Suddenly, a word I’d said weeks ago landed with meaning. The tough situation softened. A breakthrough happened when I least expected it.
Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.
Psalm 127:1a, NIV
What Can You Do Today?
- Acknowledge that you can’t do it all by yourself.
- Give yourself permission not to have all the answers.
- Look for small ways to invite grace into your thoughts, your words, your responses.
- Seek support from your faith community, maybe a counselor, and a trusted friend.
- Start small by forgiving yourself and others for the messiness of the past.
- Remember: progress is not linear, but every step forward counts.
Raising children well is a sacred calling, but it’s not meant to be done through sheer willpower or self-reliance alone. The moment you bring the Lord to the center of your family—and receive grace for yourself, your children, and your whole household—you stop spinning your wheels. You start building a home that lasts.
I’m rooting for you…
Join me for more insight on family dynamics.
*If you’d like to know more about receiving the grace only God can give, click here.
**The views and opinions expressed should not be taken as medical advice. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your health care professional for any health questions.
Vanessa A. Harris 